Rod Appleyards day in the life of a Fenestration Surveyor life in the snake pit

This month I have moved away from fenestration to bring you a tale like no other. Regular readers know that my columns are based on real people (with name changes) and real events. This month is no different.

I have a very good friend with whom over the last three years I have shared some pretty hard situations. I’ll call him Keith. He works in a local authority investigating complaints from irate association tenants and all sorts of other construction-related problems. These complaints range from the sublime to the totally ridiculous.

One day he was called to a house with complaints of rampant wet rot. All the floor was lifting, there was black mould on the walls and the house fair reeked of damp. Not one to be seen as shirking responsibility, with no further ado out came the damp test meters. Samples were taken from the plaster for analysis, room temperature measured and so on. Nothing was found to cause the damp. Not to be beaten, it was decided after day one that further exploration of the damp was required.

After much digging about behind kitchen units and removing of skirting, nothing could be found. That left just only one other area to investigate, so marking out the floor in the appropriate place Joe was told to lift a section of floor. This was more like it. Out with a big electric saw, bigger crowbar and Number One hammer of course. As quick as a flash a section of floor was lifted, to allow a body to descend into the under drawing.

Go on, said Keith, get your head down! What do you see? Nothing, says Joe the joiner, just a load of rubbish and a broom handle. Are you sure? says Keith. No, I’m not sure. I think the broom handle is a dead snake.... It’s not dead, it’s alive!

Just to make sure,, with slow and very careful movements Keith stuck his camera down for a quick snap. Oh s**t! Not one but two snakes were in focus..

First off, put the floor back down. Quick, phone to the RSPCA. The tenant had taken to keeping snakes but had not lost any to his knowledge (well he would say that wouldn’t he), but there is a pet shop about half a mile away.

The end of this tale is that the whole of the ground floor was lifted with the RSPCA in attendance. There were four snakes taken away of various types, some very dangerous, all well fed. Makes you wonder what they had eaten! Joe the joiner: Well he kept the pub alive for a good few nights after that, telling his tale of daring. The floor was replaced and the damp cured with extra air bricks and ventilation to the ground floor. Who says local authority surveyors have a quiet life? Thanks Keith for the photos. It just shows you never know!

Alarming trend

There are times when no matter how far you discount, no one will sell any more into the market

Recently I have noted a very alarming trend that can only compromise the well-being of the industry. Manufacturers are making agreements with installers and resellers, then going direct to the end user and offering same prices or less to take a greater market share or so they believe.

This is not good practice, short term gain yes, but in the long term you are alienating the core bread and butter income of your business. This happened in the early 1980s with float glass which had a long term affect on the ability of that segment of the market to continue and flourish. This lasted for a long time and even now is still being felt after 25 years.

I have seen good companies destroyed by greed and pressure in the pursuit of seeing goods go out the door. There are times in life when no matter how far you discount no one will sell any more into the market and you will only increase production at the expense of others and the bottom line.

Yes, I know it’s hard out there and I know that margins are tight but don’t make it worse by bad decisions. You will only end up losing the bread and butter income and a big dollop of loyalty. It is for you to look closely at what you are doing. Go for the long haul. We will continue to exist as an industry although the heady days of the 80s may never return.

May I just leave you with a thought: If and when a new product arrives on our shores (and it will), will your company be in a position to react and embrace it, or will you lose the advantage of your position due to your firm’s poor health? Only you can answer that. Just make provision. You never know, opportunities may be nearer than you think.

Awards of the month. Action beyond the call of duty: It has to be Joe the Joiner.

The Big Hearts of the month: Everyone in the emergency services and others that helped after the London bombings and failed attempts. ‘Thank You’, with Gold Embroidery.