Schmooze cruise

When I stepped down as chair of the management organisation I started 10 years ago, a colleague gave me a vote of thanks and started a farewell speech by saying: "We'll remember Judith for her networking!" And he was right. All those years I had encouraged, cajoled and harassed my colleagues to take business cards to meetings - to mix, mingle and network. I have to tell you it was incredibly hard work. Watching people agonise at the idea of meeting other people made me decide to add networking to my company's portfolio of courses. Some of us find working the room so easy, but many find it a daunting experience – perhaps you're one of them. If you are, then I'd like to share a few ideas with you that you can practice.

1: Pretend it's your party
When you're hosting an event in your home or office you make sure that everybody feels comfortable. It's the same at a function – give yourself permission to work the room.

2: Change the tapes in your head
These tapes limit our potential. We're excellent at saying "I can't". Change it to "I can". Change "I made a total fool of myself" to "I learnt from that". In the working world we have to speak to strangers – so start speaking to them!

3: Make the first move!
It's not risky – you won't die. I lived in North America for seven years and the best thing I learnt was to go everywhere with my hand outstretched: "Hello, I'm Judith Gilmore – how lovely to meet you." People who are anxious at networking events will think you are wonderful if you make the first move and make them feel comfortable.

4: Remember names
Our names are really precious to us, so show respect to the person you're speaking to by remembering their name. I've heard a lot of strange techniques and gimmicks over the years about remembering names – for me the easiest and best is to repeat a name a few times after they've been introduced. That's how we learn – by repetition.

5: Be prepared
Before an event take a few minutes to think through the kind of things you could talk about. What's happening in the world – what's happening in your industry – what's the common reason for everybody gathering together. Fill those awkward pauses!

6: Look approachable
Check your body language – make sure that you look open, smiling and friendly. Encourage people into your group - make them feel comfortable, and assume the responsibility of introducing them to others.

7: Have a plan
Too many people arrive halfway through an event, look for the people they know and end up talking to the people they've worked with all day. What a waste. Have a list of the delegates faxed to you before the event and decide who you want to meet and then make the effort to meet them.

8: Have an exit strategy
Don't feel awkward about leaving one person or a group of people. I've often watched people stay together for hours because they don't know how to move on! Try saying I must/I need/I have to speak to another indvidual before he/she leaves. This implies that it's not that the present conversation is boring, but rather you have an agenda to keep to. This is your precious time, so make it work for you.

9: Use, don't abuse, networking
We all steer clear of people who do nothing but talk at us. Learn to listen more than you speak. People will love you for it. Keep in the forefront of your mind what you can do to help others – building relationships is a slow process. People need to know, like and trust you before they will buy from you.

10: Follow up
There is no point in attending these networking events if you don't have a system for keeping in touch with those people who are of interest to you. What's your system? A diary, electronic organiser, notebook, contact management programme? Make sure you contact people within a week of meeting them.

So the next time you go to a networking event if you find working the room a daunting experience then be prepared, put a smile on your face, think positively, remember the 10 tips and be amazed at the number of interesting people that there are waiting to meet you.