2nd opinion: Growing up is child's play

In a few weeks it will be the school summer holidays – yippee! Well okay, maybe it's not that exciting for most of us any more. With the possible exception of teachers not many people can look forward to a six-week break, while those with children need to turn their minds to cheap outings and childminders.

For me, the summer holidays mean less traffic in the morning, a hot office and the knowledge that one of the busiest times of the mediation year is almost upon us. In particular, I know that one of our cases – eight households across two streets all arguing about children playing football – will go back to square one unless we complete the mediation process before the schools break up.

And I can think of dozens of other cases that will be tested when the children are at home all day. Of course I know there are a few children around who are causing serious distress and/or criminal damage, but most of them are just playing games.

All games have their rules, designed to ensure fair play and enable everyone to know their part. Without rules, structured play is impossible; yet with too many rules, the fun disappears.

But playing is not just about the abandonment of responsibility; nor is it just about laughter and fun. Play teaches our children a number of important lessons for healthy development: from working creatively within agreed boundaries to understanding a range of complex social interactions.

And in a world where the social interaction enjoyed while playing board games has all but been replaced by the self-enforced isolation of computer games, we ought to think very carefully before restraining children's games even further.

In Stoke-on-Trent we have acceptable behaviour contracts and in nearby areas the authorities are grappling with new powers to disperse groups of young people. Although both these interventions foist yet more rules on play, they can be useful. And mediation frequently enables children in community disputes to contribute to developing new parameters for play. Not kicking a ball against someone's living room wall, and asking to get their ball back if it goes into a neighbour's garden are just two examples from some of the very successful agreements achieved through mediation.

Not rocket science, I know, but the important thing is that the children arrived at these conclusions themselves. When there is no discussion – just a "because I said so" – it's a natural reaction to object. I for one can certainly remember going back down the road as a child to try to annoy the bloke who angrily told us to get lost – it became a new game.

And before you start to say that you never behaved like this and that I was exactly the sort of child for which acceptable behaviour contracts were created, you should consider that we have all carried these games of subversion into adulthood. There are bound to be a few rules in your workplace that you don't agree with, for instance, and may try to subvert once in a while.

We live in a time where different generations are drifting further and further apart, and the need to improve respect and understanding between them is vital for our goal of social cohesion.

Making new rules may be an important part of this, but only if we adults can also learn to give a little and recapture the joy and pleasures of youth. It is the summer after all – yippee!