Coping with problem people

For the last couple of months, I've been talking about managing projects, which I hope has given you some useful tools for planning your work and meeting deadlines. But being a good manager isn't just about planning and organising the work; it's also about handling people and building them up into an effective team. And managing people isn't just about the sunny days; it also has to do with knowing how to handle difficult people and difficult times.

The first thing to say about difficult people is that there aren't as many of them around as there used to be! Why this is, I'm not sure. Perhaps everyone is better trained, or we manage our lives better. Anyway, the chances are that you may be a manager for a long time without ever having to cope with anyone who is really difficult. But just in case you meet a troublesome person round the next corner, here are a few hints and tips for managing the situation.

Human sponge
First, if a situation is tense and people are reacting by getting angry, nothing is more effective than being a human sponge. Don't respond to emotions, don't relay one person's views or feelings to another, just absorb it all like a sponge and then wait quietly for a few days.

The chances are that the angry feelings will disappear, or that at the very least by quietly hearing people out you won't have made matters worse. This isn't to say you should never take action or react, but the calming influence of the human sponge can be a real help in restoring good relations after a crisis.

A second way of avoiding or dissolving conflicts with difficult people is to be honest with yourself. Is someone being "difficult" simply because he or she responds differently from you? For instance, if you think someone works slowly, is it because you tend to rush into action? Consider whether your characterisation of someone as a fuss-pot means that you tend to get by on a wing and a prayer.

People differ remarkably in the way they think. Some speak up while others mull matters over quietly. Some like detail while others approach tasks more conceptually. Try to value each person's characteristics for what they are. It's much better - and much more instructive - to have people around you who don't react to situations in exactly the way you do yourself. By becoming more aware of differences, and the areas in which individuals are not so strong, you can discover effective ways of managing them.

If a situation is tense and people are reacting by getting angry, nothing is more effective than being a human sponge

Very often people are difficult because they feel they are not listened to. By the time they come into your team, they may already have built up a good head of steam. In this case, the first thing to do is simply to sit down with them and listen. Don't contradict, don't try to persuade them that things are not so bad. Just hear them out. If they start repeating the same story over and over - as people often do - try jotting the key points down so you can bring the conversation back on track. And don't forget: you don't have to handle major difficulties alone. Speak to your own manager or to the personnel department if you begin to feel that you are out of your depth.

There are some simple guidelines related to effective negotiation that can be very helpful in managing or avoiding conflicts with your team or with people outside the team (including your own manager). The first is not to get into win/lose arguments, in which people are defending a position that they feel has come under attack by others. Such positions are rarely the best solution to a problem.

A real dead end
If you find yourself confronted with someone who refuses to budge from a position, try and talk about what their underlying interests are. What concerns are lying behind the position they are defending so strongly? Try to find ways of meeting their interests with solutions that are compatible with your own targets. If you reach a real dead end, have a break and agree to meet again the next day. Lots of things become clearer if you sleep on them.

And finally, don't expect trouble. If you are open with people, try to build up team spirit and give praise where praise is due, the chances are that you won't find yourself having to deal with too many difficult people.