Stalking innocent focus groups across the plains
The ODP-embers
The Office of the Deputy Prime Minister narrowly avoided an incendiary start to 2003. Firefighters were called to a blaze at its headquarters in Victoria, central London, in the early hours of New Year's Day. Fortunately for deputy prime minister John Prescott, the embarrassing sight of a fleet of Green Goddesses trundling up Bressenden Place to the glass ski-jump was prevented as the Fire Brigades Union had called off strikes scheduled to include that day. I can confirm that all civil servants are safe and well, although reports that the flames were fed by copious quantities of discarded drafts of the Communities Plan were strenuously denied by busy ODPM scribes.

Maggie's miracle cure
I am astonished to hear that researchers have apparently found the key to that most human concern: the secret of happiness. I am even more astonished to hear that the secret of happiness is … Mrs Thatcher. Apparently, the key to a joyful existence is far more obvious than generations of philosophers might have imagined; it can be summed up in only three words: right to buy. That's right, buying your council house in late middle age was found to be a good guarantee of contentment in later life. Unfortunately, you have to be in good health first – easier said than done, given Mrs Thatcher's somewhat less glorious record on the NHS.

Bo'! Collecta!
Fans of the London radio station Kiss FM might be in for a shock next time they tune in. Hackney council has placed adverts on the station that target youngsters who don't pay their rent on time. However no one is quite sure if these ads take on an R'n'B flava or are simply a dance mix.

Let meow
And now a heartwarming tale that proves a house is nothing when it comes to saving an animal. A cat in Tameside decided to try some acrobatics and leapt on to the neighbour's conservatory roof. Unable to get a paw-hold, it slid down, and fell into a cavity wall. So the fire brigade took a sledgehammer to an entire concrete fence to get in and make a rescue. No doubt the wall itself would have gone next if moggie had not been able to clamber out. Now the question is: who will have to pick up the tabby?

So, farewell then …
Finally, I would like to bid a fond farewell to Shelter campaigner Nick Beacock. After 35 years working to improve the lot of homeless single people and those living in cramped conditions, Nick is off in search of the quiet life in Greece. If on the off-chance he gets bored with a life of leisure, I'm sure those poor young things that shoe-horn themselves into hotel accommodation in the name of hedonism could benefit from his advice…

Typo, typo, it’s off to work we go

Sefton council in Liverpool was left red-faced after a spelling mistake in one of its reports announced that sex offenders would be given priority for council housing. The line should have read “ex-offenders”. The council apparently refused to comment on how the blunder happened, but a bit of lateral thinking suggests that this could be a golden opportunity to employ ex-offenders – as proofreaders.

Source

Housing Today