Talking the talk

I'm at a speed networking event and I've got five minutes with each person
Networking is essentially just like making new friends – you want to forge a rapport that lasts beyond one conversation. Speed networking, like speed dating, cuts the process down to the bare essentials, giving you just five minutes to form a first impression of someone and work out whether you want to see them again. It's a great way to make lots of contacts, and Derwent Living is holding a two-hour networking session on Thursday at the Chartered Institute of Housing conference in Harrogate.

"You need a punchy introduction with concise delivery," says Glenn Robertson, director of networking event organiser Contempro. He advises finding a catchy way to describe what you do. "I keep people out of jail" is a lot more memorable than "I'm an accountant", which may also lead people to pigeonhole you immediately.

Then, illustrate two or three parts of your job, which invites the other person to ask you questions. But don't dive into a four-minute spiel. Invite the other person to introduce him or herself first, and listen to them. "This puts them at ease and gives you a much better chance of them listening to you," Robertson says.

You must also decide what you want from the meeting. Look at who will be there: you might get an insight into a different job or meet someone with similar interests.

If you really want people to remember you, Robertson advises wearing something distinctive – but take care. "A cartoon tie might say you've got a great sense of humour but does it compromise your professionalism?" he asks. Instead, he suggests: "If there's a room full of brown suits but you are wearing a brown suit with cream stripes, you are saying 'I like to look smart but I'm a bit different'."

I'm at a conference and we're having a buffet lunch. I don't know anyone
Trying to eat, drink and meet people at once is tricky. Make it easier by choosing food you can eat with your fingers and if you're really uncomfortable, sit down and eat by yourself before attempting to meet new people.

Read the delegate list and search for the name badges of people you'd like to meet.

If the labels are small, forcing you to stare at people's chests, make a joke of it rather than giving up.

Reading body language correctly is very important in a room of strangers. Will Kintish, director of networking training company Kintish, says people stand in one of six ways: on their own; in a "closed" couple (standing face-to-face); in an "open" couple (facing outwards); in open or closed threes; or in a circle of four or more.

If they're on their own, they are probably terrified of the whole situation and will be grateful for your approach. If they're in a closed group, the conversation is private and you should leave them alone. But if the group is open, ask politely if you can join them and they'll almost always say yes.

Don't attempt to enter a group of four or more unless you know one of them. And if you do know someone, don't sidle up to them, advises Ellen Riches, partner at communication consultancy Impact Factory. Instead, catch their eye and move right across the group to shake their hand. "It breaks the dynamic of a group and allows you to be introduced to people," she says.

I'm at a sit-down dinner after a day of seminars so I'm stuck with the people I'm next to
Your neighbours may well be sick of hearing about work, so break out of the habit. "Try to find common ground by talking about families, hobbies, recent news topics and holidays," says Glenn Robertson.

Women are generally better at this than men, he adds: "Inexperienced male networkers might think 'I'm here, I'm confident, I'll go and tell everyone everything I know about myself,' whereas inexperienced female networkers might prefer small talk."

Asking people questions about themselves – and listening to the answers – makes them feel good. But it's easier to find out interesting things about others if you've worked out what is interesting about yourself, advises Ellen Riches. "Be willing to reveal what you're about – drop in a key interest or passion," she suggests. This could prompt a titbit in return.

Whatever you do, don't try to get a new job or set up a joint project right there. It will make the person feel under attack. But there's no harm in fishing for information: Colin Newbold, director of speed networking organisation Speed Linking, suggests you ask if the person knows anyone working on certain projects or in an area you'd like to move into. This will be useful research and could stand you in good stead for later.

I'm at an evening drinks reception after a day of talks and workshops
Kintish says natural networkers always turn up later to evening drinks events, by which time people have started to relax. But don't let your guard down, especially if there's anyone there who's likely to ply you with drinks in the hope you will let secrets slip. Remember, the booze might be free, but that doesn't mean you have to drink it.

Strike up conversations either with a joke or an open question (one that can't be answered yes or no), or try a compliment about the person's organisation.

Whatever you do, take a genuine interest in what people are saying, or your boredom will be obvious. Kintish says 99% of people are nervous of networking events, and the biggest fear is of rejection, so even if the conversation is struggling, the golden rule is always to be polite. "Long after we forget what people have said and done, we tend to remember how people made us feel. If you turn your back on somebody in a small group, they'll never forget," Kintish warns.  

I've met some new people and got their numbers. What should I do next?
Do whatever you promised to do – if that's ringing or emailing someone, do it when you said you would. If you don't, you'd have been better off not meeting them in the first place rather than letting them down.

If a secretary or colleague blocks your calls, Kintish says it's acceptable to persist four or five times. He suggests asking the colleague to ask your contact if he or she has decided they can't use your services, and let you know – this will save everyone's time.

When you're chatting to people, resist the temptation to make promises you know you can't keep: if you have to, admit you're not sure what you can do for each other, but say you'll keep their card just in case.

If you've collected lots of business cards, remember who was who. Riches suggests making notes on the back to remind you what you talked about, so you can continue the conversation when you next speak.

If you haven't made a specific arrangement, judge whether to call or email based on how well your conversation went.

If things go really well, you could arrange to meet for coffee as soon as next week and take it from there.