Janis Bright looks behind the Communities Plan
Not those stroppy Northerners wanting more cash … again?
Just so: half a billion quid to clear clapped-out housing and build good quality stuff.

But down South you can't get a house for love nor money.
Correct. So the lion's share of the Communities Plan money will go into new homes and cash for key workers down there.

Won't that just add fuel to the fire?
The programme will be too small to affect the markets – or so the government says.

Very Confucian. But didn't we hear all this last summer?
Yes we did, when Gordon Brown announced his three-year spending review. But annual bidding rounds happen in the autumn.

Why has it taken John Prescott so long to make this announcement?
Well, the bones haven't been rolling his way. He's got to hit his decent homes target but it looks like the stock is in worse shape than he thought. The sums are looking tricky.

Don't tell me - consultants!
Of course. A committee of experts and civil servants has been slaving away on the snappily titled PSA Plus Review all autumn. Getting a quart from a pint pot isn't easy.

What about the quangocracy - aren't they helping out?
Not exactly. The Big Idea to eke out the cash is stock transfer. But the National Audit Office inconveniently began questioning the value for money of that much-touted solution. Behind-the-scenes wrangling has delayed that one since October.

But can't Two Jabs rely on his MP mates for a spot of support on the policy front?
Well, no. One Commons select committee has been poking its nose into affordability, another is causing trouble over targets.

Most likely to say
"I don't want egg on my face over this."

Least likely to say
"I'm moving the ODPM to Barnsley."