This week, Libeskind is trashed by Joe Public, the RICS is entertained by a cool cat, and Peter Mandelson and the army are reduced to name-calling. Miaow …
Mandelson vs the British Army
If you read last week's issue, you'll have noticed that a colleague of mine joined the British Army in Basra for a few days. While there, a soldier reminisced about his time in Belfast during Peter Mandelson's tenure as secretary of state for Northern Ireland. You may remember that Mandy got into trouble after telling Irish television that the trooping of the colour was "a lot of chinless wonders marching around Horse Guards Parade doing incomprehensible things with flags".

The following week Mandy went up to a senior officer and introduced himself. The officer turned to our soldier, who was with him at the time, and said: "Mandelson … Didn't your grandfather have a lurcher called Mandelson?" As the slighted MP walked away, he added: "If he wants chinless I can show him bloody chinless." Quite.

A stinking headache
I hear that curious things are afoot at Basra's sewage works scheme. Colin McBride, the utilities manager for the provision authority, was stunned to find that the works had been stopped on it and that the overflow was oozing into the city. And the manager's reason for flicking the switch? His workers didn't like the smell …

Born lucky or what?
The RICS construction faculty's annual dinner offered more entertainment than usual last week, thanks to an amusing routine from renowned speaker Bob "The Cat" Bevan (he was a goalkeeper, you know). The biggest laughs of the night, however, were reserved for the raffle. One of the prizes was an annual subscription to this very magazine. What could top that? I hear you ask. Why, two VIP tickets to see Marillion (now minus Derek "The Fish" Dick) in Prague.

"What's the second prize? Four tickets?" quipped a fellow diner.

At least it's not Jimmy Tarbuck
Talking of after-dinner speakers, I hear organisers of the Little Britain annual sailing regatta in Cowes have made their choice of comedian for this year's bash. For those who have forgotten, last year's event was marred by a boorish performance from so-called alternative comedian Tim Clarke. This year, the organising committee has plumped for a safe pair of hands, which belong to Scouse quiz star, celebrity golfer and old-school gagmeister … Tom O'Connor.

The Duke of Wellingtons
My thanks to the Construction Industry Trust for Youth for organising a tour of the Nuttall–Kier site at the Channel Tunnel Rail Link last week.

Not only does my colleague now know all about the challenge of the job, thanks to the guest list, he also knows the wellie size of Paul Sheffield, executive chairman at Keir Construction (44); Jonathan Haslam, director of corporate communications at Jarvis (43); and Robert Vaughan, director of rail at Fitzpatrick (46).

The Duke of Gloucester, however, declared himself to be either 43 or 44, thereby doubling his chances of nabbing a clean pair.

Don’t panic, it’s a Libeskind

There was panic on the streets of north London recently when a man dialled 999 to report the collapse of a large building on Holloway Road. The police response was impressive – according to the Highbury & Islington Express, at least a dozen officers responded to the call. On arriving at the scene they found a fractured jumble of steel and glass – not a pile of building debris, you understand, but Daniel Libeskind’s London Metropolitan University, very much intact.

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