We score some primo grass this week and, between bursts of coughing, drink enough booze to hospitalise ourselves before strapping on an axe and delivering a child. Alright. Yeah. Baby.

Heroically drunk …

Those surveyors are at it again. I hear of yet more bacchanalian antics from my spies at the National Surveyors Rugby Sevens in Richmond last month. It seems that the booze was flowing so swiftly that the Savills tent ran out by mid-afternoon. That didn’t put an end to the good times, though. Stories abound of one surveyor who got so plastered he woke up in hospital – where he promptly yanked out the drip, discharged himself and returned to the fray.

… and scientifically stoned

If you’ve noticed a spirit of friendliness and co-operation at the Construction Confederation lately, it might be caused by more than just good vibes. The daughter of Stephen Ratcliffe, the chief executive, has been conducting medical research into the effects of cannabis, and news reaches us that a number of the confederation’s employees were persuaded to turn on, tune in and spliff up in the name of science. Ratcliffe himself was the control subject, which meant he remained clear-headed enough to organise the body’s 10th birthday party. So happy birthday fellows – or should we say keep on trucking, dudes and dudesses…

The Ruthless communities department

I hear from a leading Whitehall source that John Healey, Treasury minister and Gordon Brown’s right hand man, is the frontrunner to take over from Ruth Kelly at the communities department. The West Yorkshire MP has been responsible for the department at the Treasury, where he was a minister for many years. The regional development agencies will be relieved: a recent pamphlet shows he’s a fan of theirs.

Credit: Scott Garrett

Fire them all

Rumours that this year’s series of The Apprentice will have a property angle have proved accurate at the final hurdle. In the show’s finale this week the remaining two contestants – feisty Kristina and bumbling Simon – will have to decide what to put in place of a building that is being torn down on London’s South Bank. Let’s hope Kristina does a better job of this than she did trying to attach a broom head and that Simon gets out more words than he managed when delivering a sales pitch while bouncing on a trampoline. Looks like you’ve got yourself a pair of good-uns there, Mr Sugar …

No country for old men

Sheppard Robson really took the student location of its summer party to heart.

The event, at the cavernous P3 space beneath Westminster University, was awash with glamorous young trendies. There were fashion shows screened on a wall and a battle of the bands on a stage perched above the space. Unfortunately, this made it rather hard to hear anything, and anyone over 35 was to be found cowering in the bar (the place furthest away from the bands) trying to work out when they’d got so old.

Delivery for you

The guys at Turner & Townsend’s Edinburgh office are used to delivering projects on sites – but not babies in offices. But when employee Julie’s waters broke 10 weeks before time, everyone was quick to rally around. The designated first aiders did their best while shouting “you know, this isn’t in our remit”, and the group’s directors boiled water and looked for towels. Fortunately, the ambulance arrived shortly after, and the final stages of the birth were completed in a hospital. Despite being born prematurely, 13-week-old baby Ryan is now doing well and last week he made his (almost) first appearance at the office.