For too long Hansom has been silent on prostate cancer and self mutilation in the Hounslow area. So, here’s an edition devoted to the subjects (with some extra items thrown in for light relief)

Comedy of errors

The launch of White Young Green’s energy division at the Globe Theatre last week had all the merriment of a Shakespearean comedy. One unfortunate waiter managed to spill his tray of drinks twice. For comic emphasis this was repeated with even greater gusto by a female colleague, before two tables, both laden with drinks and food, also collapsed. The speeches did little to lend gravitas to proceedings. In an unwise move, the two gentlemen who introduced the energy business did so in the form of an onstage dialogue. I suspect the sight of two men failing to suppress their giggles as they forgot their lines will not go down as one of the highlights of the Globe’s summer season.

Giving the finger

David Burke, founder and chairman of developer Oracle Group, feels safer in his current career than in his former life as a pub landlord. He finally made the decision to leave after a particularly harrowing incident at a pub he ran in Hounslow, west London. A local resident, released from prison that day, arrived rather worse for the wear. After a few more drinks, Burke decided enough was enough and asked him to leave. This didn’t go down too well. The man held his hand in front of his face and shouted “I'm going to get you, you did this to me,” at which point he, quite logically, bit off his own little finger and spat it at Burke, hitting him on the chest. That would never happen in Mayfair.

Pick me!

I hear that Ucatt boss Alan Ritchie has never been so popular. No, not with the leaders of powerful rival unions who only want him for his membership, but from the entourages of the Labour deputy leadership candidates. As part of their campaigns, Harman, Hain & Co have had to appear in front of Ritchie and other members of the party’s executive interviewing panel. I hope they made the right noises about health and safety in the workplace.

Credit: Scott Garrett

Keep on ROK-ing

Where will Rok’s corporate branding end? Following on from the company’s regional “Rok bands” (see news), chief executive Garvis Snook revealed that its annual “Rok Festival” has had to be cancelled after complaints from the local council. Somewhat confusingly, the Rok Festival turns out to have been a sponsored jazz night. So what next? Will we see Rok Stars instead of managing directors, Rok Climbers instead of marketing staff, and Rok Groupies instead of wives or husbands? Given all that, perhaps it’s a shame the festival got stuck between a Rok and a hard place ...

Now cough ...

To the annual variety club PROPS lunch last week, where the great, the good and the exceedingly wealthy members of the property world are invited to give large sums of money to charities for disabled children. In return, they may win one of a number of glitzy raffle prizes – including a full prostate and testicular examination donated by London urology associates. Apparently they make the offer every year, but surprisingly none of the winners has yet to take them up on it.

Bye-bye, Bentley

Well, hasn’t the green agenda come a long way? I hear Tony Pidgley, the colourful chief executive of Berkeley Homes, has given up his beloved Bentley, having owned one since he was 21, as part of the company’s drive to be more sustainable. He is now looking to replace it with a hybrid vehicle.