The opening of an adult emporium designed by Papa Architects was almost too much to bear for one upright Building reporter.

Brilliant.That’s the only way to describe the opening of Hustler Hollywood’s first London ‘adult emporium’ last week.

Papa Architects, which designed the store, had invited some of my colleagues and I to the event, and what a shindig it was. We kicked off sipping bottles of champagne from straws – classy night, this – and giggled like naughty school children when Papa’s Socrates Miltiadou explained the benefits of certain sex toys over others. He declared that the size of certain products put him to ‘shame’. They simply scared me.

Not so Jodie Marsh, the – and this is being kind – c-list celeb famous for her who-has-the-better-errr-upper-torso arguments with fellow glamour model Jordan. Noticing a camera, she carefully licked several choice implements a mere yard or so from me. I’d have rather had a lollipop.

Then, model-cum-actress of the moment Jennifer Ellison arrived. I was reliably informed that the Hustler T-shirt she had been sent to wear was a couple of sizes too small. Bounding into the store to the drools of the largely male audience, it was clear that my information was entirely accurate.

Jennifer proved to be a most polite young lady. Squeezing past me, she apologised for any inconvenience at the physical contact. Very honestly, I replied that an apology really was not necessary.

After my brush with physical perfection, I simply had to leave. Attending this event, I bit off slightly more than I could chew.