Body language matters because, whether you’re in an interview, appraisal or meeting with clients or colleagues, it could be giving away more than you want to say. Long after a meeting, your colleagues are much more likely to remember an unusual facial expression long after they have forgotten the words you used.
You need to be doubly aware of your posture, gestures and facial expressions if you are telling someone something that is not true. When a person’s words and body language are consistent, we believe that person. When their words and body language say different things, we tend to believe the body language and doubt the words.
For example, if you ask a colleague: “How was your review with your boss?” and he says, “OK,” but his smile vanishes and his gaze falls to the floor, you know he didn’t get the pay rise.
How do I use body language to send a positive message?
Keep your posture and breathing relaxed and avoid visible stiffness or abrupt movements. This indicates that there are no major barriers to communication.
Similarly, keeping your arms uncrossed and your hands open – palms up or otherwise visible to the other person – is a sign of openness. Talking with slight arm movements and open palms indicates involvement in the conversation and openness to the other person. Remember, though, moderation is the rule for all these gestures. As soon as they become exaggerated, they can seem more negative.
More obviously, taking notes shows interest and involvement with the conversation. And, of course, don’t forget to smile. It signals a warm personal relationship.
So, what is negative body language?
When a person’s words and body language say different things, we tend to believe the body language
Negative body language is harder to pin down. Actions that are generally considered negative may just be a matter of comfort for that particular person, a sign of tiredness or have nothing to do with the conversation at hand.
What signs should I beware of?
A tense body – stiffness, wrinkled brow, jerky body motion, hands clasped in front or palms down on the table – can indicate that your are concerned about the topic or unwilling to deal with the other person.
Folding your arms creates a barrier between you and the other person and can express resistance to what is being said. Putting your arms behind your head or leaning back is a positive gesture if you know each other well, but in a new relationship, it is often used to express a desire for control or power. Also, avoid leaning on your elbow with your chin in your hand – it just screams boredom.
The other no-nos are blank stares, flipping through literature without really reading it, and looking at the person’s body or clothing.
How should I act in an important interview or meeting?
Sit comfortably with both feet on the floor and lean slightly towards the interviewer. Keep your hands out of your pockets and try not to create defensive barriers between you and them, such as a briefcase on your knee, folded arms or crossed leg. Avoid playing with your hair or hands and don’t squirm or fidget – it will make you look nervous.
Never lie in an interview, your body language and tone or the words you use will give you away. Not looking directly at the other person is a sure giveaway, so you should always maintain natural eye contact – but don’t stare like a snake.
